I'm in a pensive mood today, and I feel like sharing. So, let me tell you about the weekend first and then hopefully you'll see where I'm coming from.
Saturday afternoon I had a late lunch of a very tasty albacore tuna and avocado salad.
Then, I strolled along to my friend's wedding blessing, which was very touching and bathed in sunshine - a welcome change from the downpour in Sorrento!
Afterwards we headed to a cosy bar by the sea to celebrate. The buffet was really good - I went for garlic chicken, ham, salami and poached salmon with olives and salad. I also had a few glasses of wine.
We had a dance and I headed home. Well, hobbled is the word. Walking for an hour to the reception in very pretty but very flimsy sandals, followed by dancing, led to HUGE blisters on the bottom of both feet. I was really struggling!
I woke up on Sunday with a fuzzy head, painful ankles and the aforementioned blisters. And it was grey outside. Not a great start! I knew I was pushing my ankles a bit too far on Saturday with the walk, but our work walking challenge suggested we aim for a personal best at the weekend and I just felt I had to go for it. The upshot? I did 23000 steps Saturday and 2000 steps yesterday because I could barely walk. I also felt fed up for most of the day, being stuck indoors. It's weird - all week long at work I dream of some downtime alone at home. And when I get it I get bored and restless! What's with that?
My smoked salmon breakfast frittata dealt with the head fuzz. I only had three glasses of wine, but one was a cheap rosé and I really don't think it agrees with me. Expensive rosé only, please!
Then I moped around until The Boy returned from his trip to London and I fixed myself a nice ham salad for lunch. Even that failed to cheer me up! Seriously!
Andy went off to the gym a little while later and the sun came out, so I went in to the garden with my books and iPad. MUCH better.
I got to thinking about the Whole 30. I love it and it makes me feel amazing. But, like the walking challenge and keeping a clean house and all the other things I like to do to perfection in my life, I'm using it as a stick to beat myself with when I really don't need to.
It dawned on me yesterday that I really still haven't let go of my all or nothing mentality, especially with food. I know it's simply not possible for me to be on a Whole 30 all the time. Nor would I want to be. But, when I do go 'off plan', I still see it as a failure, and then I get into that familiar 'Oh, what the hell, I've blown it now, may as well eat the whole box/bar/cupboard'. Not healthy.
I'm trying to figure out what works for me. I love the Paleo way of eating but I need to relax my rules and realise I can't be perfect and having a treat doesn't mean I've 'blown' anything. So, yesterday afternoon, I had a snack of peanut butter and oatmeal with maple syrup and some dates. I enjoyed it and tried not to feel 'bad'.
I soaked up the sun as long as I could before heading in and cooking up some homemade burgers with red onion alongside the legend that is Luann's Kale salad.
I also decided we should finish the week off right with a bit of wedding limoncello in our very tasteful souvenir glasses from Sorrento. Sweet!
As we settled down for what was left of the weekend, I still felt peckish and raided The Boy's snack supplies. I usually steer clear of Eat Natural bars as they don't stand up to my ingredient scrutiny, despite their health claims. However, I ain't too proud to beg and I was hungry. And it was gooooood. Almonds and apricots in a yoghurt coating. I followed it with a smaller, dark chocolate version. Not quite as good. Usually this would lead to further cupboard raiding, but I managed to stop there, quite satisfied. This is progress. My relationship with food is still so complex. I need to realise I can't undo years of dieting/bingeing in a few months.
This morning I had the rest of that gorgeous smoked salmon.
And lunch was another repeat, of last night's dinner. I heart leftovers and it makes making lunches so quick and easy!
Now Andy's making dinner and we're going for a little walk later as the sun has decided to appear at just the right time. It's the finale of a programme we've been watching later, so, all in all, a nice Monday evening to round off a funny old day.
What's for dinner?